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In my experience, this has to do with moods and perhaps even hormonal changes/something that affects the smell of the person.

My partner’s dog liked me but never respected me. She would give me the paw and go all sassy with me because I did not have the alpha or “master” energy. As a result she enjoyed mouthing and chewing on my hands.

Then I accidentally got pregnant. I was moody and tired all the time. I had issues with my partner because I couldn’t do housework. And the pregnancy wasn’t healthy. I lost it, maybe due to the tendency of taking counter medicines (I didn’t know I was preg) without any regard got my health. I had the worst morning sickness ever. The dog started to dislike me. Then one day I was picking her up and she bit me. And it happened again and again.

All the stress rushed through me and I lost it. I yelled at her. She is very sensitive. I switched on a hose and splashed her with water, screaming and crying that she was the worst dog I have ever seen and she was a bad girl and I hated her. I cried and screamed for about half an hour. She ran and hid under the sofa. At that point I thought I was seriously going mad. I loathed myself. I called myself an abuser and scolded myself with vulgarities. (I didn’t know why I was doing that to the person I loved most). I went to dog forums and asked for them to verbally abuse me as I felt so guilty. (At this point of time, I thought I was mentally sick and did not realize I was preggers)

I tried to cut off contact with the dog. I couldn’t take it. We eventually rebonded and she started to accept me again.

Then the pregnancy symptoms showed up. I felt so sick. The quarrels with my partner got worse. I found out. I needed more attention, but my partner has no experience with women and relationships. I wasn’t cleaning up or keeping my spaces clean. The worst was that I could not spend time with Girlie due to fatigue. When I went to the back room where she stays, to do my housework, she stared at me and then looked away when are realized I was not going to let her into the room or play with her or pet her. Her eyes looked so longing. It was 2–3 weeks that I “pushed her away”.

Then one day, I bled heavily and badly. My partner did not know I was about to miscarry. He was relaxed while I had to wait 6 hours for him to wake up and take me to the hospital.

I lost it. I was warded for 3 days. Then I was given a week off for bed rest. I left our place and went to my mum’s. I felt empty. I was depressed. I went to my psychologist feeling so defeated. I wished to my “baby” that she could take my life with hers as I didn’t want to live. But I had to. It wasn’t serious enough to be a life threatening situation.

Then I came home reluctantly because I had to return to work. I looked at the dog and felt only disappointment. She did not look happy to see me, either. I could not understand why. I loved her, but at that time I felt nothing. Void. I lost my feelings for her. She felt my feelings and resentment. She ran away every time she saw me. I told her I hated her. I did not beat her, it was all verbal. I know I did not deserve to have a dog or even have a life at that time. I did not have the guts to commit suicide. I decided to stay away from the dog so that she would not get hurt, but she ran every time she saw me regardless.

And then two weeks later I walked out of my depression. And to my surprise, Girlie was ready to restart our relationship, despite what I did to her.

I realized, at that point, how forgiving she was, and how much I LOVED her.

We are now very happy together, the past left behind, and have spent MANY, MANY happy moments together despite I had hurt her and was mean to her, punished her with water and scolded her in the past. She was scared of me, but she isn’t anymore. She is comfortable being with me and will jump up to greet me when I come home for the day.

She now even lets me bathe her and I’ve learnt something new recently – dog massages. It calms her.

And for this reason, I choose NOT to have another pregnancy. She’s the ONLY baby I want to have. I am so scared of my “evil twin”, which I don’t even recognize as myself at all.

I hope for no judgment on Quora. I believe in karma and believe that one day, I will be punished for my wrongdoings, including what I did wrong. And I am prepared to receive such.



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